potty parity

POTTY PARITY


When you’re dancing cheek to cheek
and you have to take a leak
in a public place it’s harder
for gals if they’re a bladder martyr
to find a public toilet than
it is for any gentleman,
because though many gals have balls,
they cannot stand in toilet stalls
as men to when they go to potty.
Where gals sequester they are squatty,
and though faith, hope and charity
abound, you won’t find potty parity
in ballparks, stadium and arenas,
where anyone without a penis
can’t pee in secret against walls,
as some men do if they have balls,
and have to stand in lines so long
that if their bladders are not strong
they may invade the premises
of gentlemen, their nemesis
because too few amenities
put them as much as men at ease.

Next time you’re in a multiplex
have pity on the gentler sex
which suffers from disparity
if there’s no potty parity,
once you’ve beguined with them, beguinal,
invite them to your urinal.

Inspired by an article by John Branch (“New Ballpark Statistic: Stadium’s Toilet Ration,” NYT, April 13, 2009):

If nothing else, $2 billion worth of baseball ballparks should buy shorter waits for the restrooms, at least for women. Waiting in longer lines has been an uncomfortable, if not unhealthy, reality for generations of women at places like stadiums, arenas and theaters. Men may see relatively quick marches through the lavatories as a common joke. Women view long lines as everything from a small irritant to a persistent form of gender discrimination. But “potty parity” laws and ever-changing plumbing codes promise relief….
Just what is the right ratio? Dr. Anthony, whose work on the subject includes a book titled, “Designing for Diversity: Gender, Race and Ethnicity in the Architectural Profession,” and who wrote two years ago that restrooms “remain among the more tangible relics of gender discrimination,” says it is at least 2 to 1. During exhibition games at the stadiums last weekend, there were no reports of clogged lines at the restrooms. But Dr. Anthony says she wants the Yankees and Mets to clock the wait times and adjust accordingly. “Ideally,” Dr. Anthony said, “nobody should have to wait at all.” No, she does not live in New York.

© 2009 Gershon Hepner 4/13/09