there simply must be jews

THERE SIMPLY MUST BE JEWS

“There simply must be Jews
in any great adventure,
like gifts you can’t refuse
though you may choose to censure.”

A knight told this to Arthur
In Spamelot, a scam
where order of the Garther
requires eating ham.

Though Jews believe the Lord’s way
is not for them, they have
on many shikseh broads sway,
because they make them laugh.

They love the pretty tights,
of girls of the right age,
and primae noctis rights
receive when on the stage.

The peoplelove to watch
the Jews in large percentiles
grab shiksehs in the crotch,
the gospel of the gentiles.

The shiksehs fill the stews,
and Jews eat them like cholent
or bees who must abuse
a flower being pollened.

It’s Jewish gals and guys and
Above all it’s Mel Brooks
together with Ms Streisand,
who balance Broadway’s books.

You should, if you’re a Jew,
succeed in Broadway like
in other places you
can’t do if you’re a kike.

Inspired by a song in “Spamalot” which I saw at the Ahmanson Theater on July 8, 2009 (see Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR93_YALpNI

ROBIN:
In any great adventure,
that you don't want to lose,
victory depends upon the people that you choose.
So, listen, Arthur darling, closely to this news:
We won't succeed on Broadway,
If you don't have any Jews.

You may have the finest sets,
Fill the stage with penthouse pets,
You may have the loveliest costumes and best shoes.
You my dance and you may sing,
But I'm sorry, Arthur king,
You'll hear no cheers,
Just lots and lots of boos.

ENSEMBLE:
Boo.

ROBIN:
You mahve have butch men by the score
Whom the audience adore,
You may even have some animals from zoos, Though you've Poles and krauts instead, You may have unlevened bread, But I tell you, you are dead, If you don't have any Jews.

They won't care if it's witty,
or everything looks pretty,
They'll simply say it's shitty and refuse.
Nobody will go, sir,
If it's not kosher then no show, sir,
Even goyim won't be dim enough to choose!
Put on shows that make men stare,
With lots of girls in underwear,
You may even have the finest of reviews.

CRITIC:
You're doing great!

ROBIN:
The audience won't care, sir,
As long as you don't dare, sir,
To open up on Broadway
If you don't have any Jews.

You may have dramatic lighting,
Or lots of horrid fighting,
You may even have some white men sing the blues!
Your knights might be nice boys,
But sadly we're all goys,
And that noise that you call singing you must lose.

So, despite your pretty lights,
and naughty girls in nasty tights,
and the most impressive scenery you use...
You may have dancing mana-mano,
You may bring on a piano,
But they will not give a damn-o
If you don't have any Jews!

You may fill your play with gays,
Have Nigerian girls in stays,

GIRLS:
You may even have some schiksehs making stews!

ROBIN:
You haven't got a clue,
If you don't have a Jew,
All of your investments you are going to lose!

There's a very small percentile,
Who enjoys a dancing gentile,
I'm sad to be the one with this bad news!
But never mind your swordplay,
You just won't succeed on Broadway,
You just won't succeed on Broadway,
If you don't have any Jews!

Arthur, can you hear me?

To get along on Broadway,
To sing a song on Broadway,
To hit the top on Broadway and not lose,
I tell you, Arthur king,
There is one essential thing...
There simply must be, simply must be Jews.

There simply must be,
Arthur trust me,
Simply must be Jews.

© 2009 Gershon Hepner 7/9/09